List

I found a list of Indian names on a receipt. I tore it in half and ate the part with the names because I wanted to keep them safe.

Sex in the Desert Bay

I was part of a Jewish settlement somewhere in the desert in the 1500s. Even though it was a desert, there was a bay at the end of the main street. I was sometimes an older, heavy-set woman who worked in the market on the main street, and sometimes myself. One day a group of ships arrived in the bay, and many naked men disembarked and stood in a row on the dock facing the water. I walked by them, looking at their penises. Some were erect, some not, and I wondered if the ones with erections were embarrassed in front of the others. I picked one and we got in the water to have sex. The penetration felt wonderful, itchy and hot. Then we changed positions and it didn't feel as good, so I went underwater to give him head. I could see that his scrotum was crumbling away and tearing, and little bits of white flesh were floating away in the water. I didn't want my mouth near it, so I came up and we had sex again. I was a little worried about a disease, but not too much.

I dreamed Brad broke up with me for someone else. I dreamed that the night before, too, but didn't feel like writing it down. I've really got to get over this fear...no wonder I'm having anxiety attacks.

Dinner with his family

I was at Brad's dad's house for a family dinner. Brad was ignoring me. His dad and I were swimming in side-by-side lanes in the pool, and I was surprised that he could keep up with me. When it was time to leave the house, I was sitting on the couch with the kids. There was a little boy whose legs were on my lap. He was sitting under a blanket reading a book. The other kids were perched around me on cushions. I noticed Brad gesture to his dad to start his stopwatch, and then they began to herd people out the door. I told the kids it was time to put on their shoes.

Bad Drivers

I was with the Hardy Boys, or maybe the boys from Happy Days, and it was the 1950s. We were in a space ship, which was a little capsule, and I flew us straight up into outer space. There was a flag pole without a flag up there, and I hovered over it. A stream of alien space ships flew by us, and I tried to cut through their line, but no one would let me in.

I was in Texas, standing on a street corner. My bike was parked across the street. A man driving a blue Chrysler pulled up at the corner, then took off really fast, ran over my bike, and dragged it down the street. I ran after him and jumped on the trunk. He didn't slow down, and I hung on, laying on my belly, as he drove around town. Finally I jumped off, he stopped the car, and I went behind a chain link fence in a big field. He pulled the car around and acted like he was going to run me over. I stood my ground, and he got out. I screamed at him for running over my bike, and told him the police were on the way. He laughed and got back in the car to wait for them to show up. A pretty woman with long brown hair got out of his car, and she and I went to the curb to sit and wait. I asked her why she was with such a jerk, and she said he treated her well. She said she was studying to be a pharmacist, and the boys in her lab classes didn't treat her nicely. Then she and I were in a car. She was in the front seat turned around facing me, and I had my feet up on the seat in the back. I wanted to tell her she was too good for that man, but I didn't want to make her defensive. She reached over the seat and massaged my calf.

A nun and a bear

I was shopping for my Halloweeen costume with Diane at Wal-Mart. I was going to be a nun, and we were buying fabric. I was in a bad mood, and Diane was trying to be helpful, but I scorned everything she said and kept putting the fabric back on the shelf.

I was in a tree on the beach. A bear was rolling on the ground under the next tree over from mine. A woman in a hat darted up and left food (something like dry oatmeal) on the ground by the bear. I climbed down from the tree and got on a bus.

Untitled

I'm sick and tired of the jealousy dreams. I woke myself up by shouting and laid there awake for an hour with my stomach in knots. There was more than one last night. Driving to the ocean in a truck with a backseat and he wouldn't sit in the back with me. Staying at a hotel and I couldn't find him. Breaking up with me without saying why. He won't talk to me or look at me in these dreams, while I try to scream to get his attention, but the words won't come out, like someone muted me. Always the sense that he is disappointed, judging me, that I made some big mistake that revealed something entirely flawed about who I am that I can never overcome.

Stevedore

I was looking in the mirror at the whiteheads on my nose. There were a million of them and they were huge. I also had a mass of bright red pimples on my jaw.

I was in Durango at Stevedore University where I was enrolled in library school.

Water, sex

I was in a river, floating downstream on my back. Maybe it was camp; there were a lot of people there that I knew, and I think we were supposed to be there, like it was our job. There was a black ceiling even though it was outside, and my Chinese teacher from high school, Mr. Ham, had set up an obstacle course in the water. It consisted of several red round boats tied together in the middle of the river. As I floated by, I grabbed the rope of the first one, but then something went wrong, and I was swept away from the boats in a current. The other two boats followed in a line, and it became a fun ride. When I got to the shore I said told Mr. Ham that his game was a lot of fun.

I was having sex with Brad, and it felt really great. Slow, rhythmic penetration.

Lifeguard

I was a lifeguard at a big pool in the woods. I was the newest appointed one, and it was a big honor. The lifeguards were an accomplished group of people. Several of them were professional musicians, and they often drummed while sitting in our hut. I wore a camouflage bikini--the bottoms were short-shorts and the top was a button down half-shirt with cap sleeves. I also had a desert hat with one side pinned up. I was always late to my stations because I kept misplacing the three things I needed most--my whistle, my brown eyeliner/pen, and a small rock or something. One day I looked out into the woods and was told that although I had been assigned the smallest shed to sleep in, it was still a very nice one. When I blinked, a row of sheds appeared, olive green with numbers painted on them, like barracks. As I was walking along the edge of the chainlink fence that separated the pool from the lawn, I saw Brad and Tony lying on the grassy slope on their stomachs on a towel. They were shirtless and both had sunglasses on. I was so excited about the surprise visit, and I ran toward them. They immediately turned into two little boys, and I was shocked that I had been mistaken. I looked all over, but they weren't anywhere around. Someone announced that there was going to be a Green Tide that afternoon, and all the lifeguards who were surfers quit and moved to the coast.

Housekeeper

Teresa has asked me to house-sit for her and take care of Docker. When I got to her house, it was a condo in Florida. There was light-colored carpet, potted plants, and bay windows. One of the plants has been knocked over, and dirt was all over the floor. I remembered that I was supposed to be the housekeeper, too, so I got the vacuum cleaner out. Everytime I tried to start it up, the head fell off and a mass of tangled dog hair fell out on the floor.

I heard music and looked out the bay window. At first I thought it was the ice cream man, but then I remembered that two of my friends had said they were going to tour the town over the weekend playing their violin and drums on their motorized cart/flatbed. I was excited to see them rolling down the street, but I was trapped inside the condo until I got the vacuum to work so I couldn't follow them.

Tattoos and a Pandemic

There had been a pandemic, and I was in the airport in Las Vegas. Going outside was dangerous because people were stealing busses and joy-riding on the runways. It was Spring, very wet and cool weather. There were lots of Christmas lights strung over the highways.

I escaped and went cross-country on foot. I got two tattoos: a big green crab on my torso, crossing from each shoulder and down my center to my pubic bone, and a big red cross design on my back, from shoulders to hip bones, which was either a woman or a sea creature. They were beautiful, and I kept showing them off to the group of women I was walking with.

No more jealousy please

Another dream in which Brad doesn't want me. I was in a church shaped like a stadium. Brad was sitting across the field with Laura, his new girlfriend. I yelled across at him, "How can you choose her instead of me?" I was very frustrated. He never spoke, just smiled at her and ignored me.