Undergraduates

I walked into a restaurant. Someone told me that I'd get the best table if I stood along the right-hand wall and waited, but as soon as I walked in, a waitress seated me at a big round table with a group of people who were already there eating. They were undergraduates who belonged to a male-female sorority, and they were planning some kind of an event to gain more visibility. I suggested that they dance in the restaurant. There was already a woman dancing by herself, and the woman I was sitting next to leaned over and told me that the woman dancing kept ordering other people to put on their "flyest" clothes immediately and "get fly."

Batik

Corvallis was celebrating the grand opening of a new concrete trail. It connected a grocery store with my street. Even though the grocery store was miles away, I could see my house from the store's front porch. The store had a display of attractively-packaged, locally-produced butter. There were tubes, tubs, blocks of different sizes, and buckets. I got one of each but then noticed that the bucket cost $129, so I put them all back on the shelf except for a small block. Bill from Interzone was running the cash register.

When I left the store, I walked around downtown and took a nap in the backseat of someone's car. Then I attended a parade and a circus. The circus was in an open field, and there was a limit on the number of people they were allowing in. I got in somehow and sat on a blanket in the back. There were dancing bears and other animals wearing clothes.

Back downtown, I was walking around carrying a project I was working on. It consisted of two translucent 6-foot square sheets of paper, on one of which I had sewn, beaded, batiked, and pierced a huge mandala-like design. On the other I had painted colorful streaks. When the two sheets were overlayed, they made one big red and purple design.

I ran into Suzette on several different occassions throughout my wanderings, and spent some time at her house. She was about to have her twins, and she kept raising her shirt to show me her protruding belly-button.

Brad didn't want me again, and I woke up moaning.

Turf

I lived in a dark-colored apartment building with hilly woods all around. It was calm and beautiful, and I was glad I lived there. I liked to leave the front door open and walk in and out. There was some confusion about whether I was going to be allowed to stay in the neighorhood, and that made me feel anxious and unhappy.

Out on the highway, I was riding in the back of a truck. On either side of the highway there were rolling green hills. Girls were perched on the backs of horses, and they were all moving through the fields at the same speed as the truck even though they were walking. I could see in close-up the turned-up turf from the horses' hooves. The indentations in the grass were brown with green flecks of moss, and I thought of it as peat.

Brad didn't want me and I woke up myself moaning.

Nightmare

I don't know exactly what happened in this dream, but Brad didn't want me and I woke myself up by screaming. Somewhere mixed up in this I was standing in front of Toni and we were yelling at each other. But I couldn't make my mouth move quickly enough, and my voice was only a whisper.

Chicken Dinner

Alexa asked me to make some cookies and BBQ chicken for a catering business she wanted to start. Our first meal was to be for friends of her parents who lived in a big grassy field. I made one cookie and thought about whether fennel would taste good in chicken sausage, but then I forgot what I was supposed to be doing and went to a party.

A few days later, I came home to the barn where we lived, and I found slabs of cookie dough layered on top of each other in the microwave. I remembered that I was supposed to be making chicken sausage, and I didn't want Alexa to think I was irresponsible, so I pretended that the reason I didn't make the sausage was because I thought we had agreed that since I am a vegetarian I should only be responsible for the cookies. I held the cookie I had made out in front of me to show her I had accomplished something, but I could tell she wasn't buying it. So I told her that it was ridiculous that we were expected to do this for free in the first place. Then I looked up into the loft and there was a long rope made of marijuana hanging down.

Church, Garage, Grocery Store

I was like a movie camera, panning across the room. It was a cavernous nightclub, with a concrete floor, mirrored ball, and dim flashing lights. People were dancing by themselves, looking up at a tall stage with vacant expressions. Movie-Camera-Me hovered at the side of the stage, watching the people, watching the stage. There was a large band playing gospel music, stomping their feet. I was disgusted that it was a church service--it seemed like a cult. The lighting was the most horrifying part.

It was morning, and I was getting up. Firefly was with me. My hair was long and I wore it in two braids, like Laura Ingalls. Firefly left me alone in a garage, and I danced and talked to myself, not realizing there was someone asleep in the back of the El Camino parked there. Then I was seated at a piano, and Firefly was behind me. He asked me if I could play, so I fumbled a few C-minor chords. Then I remembered that I knew how to play some song about a Rider, so I whipped that out double-time to impress him.

I was in a grocery store with the woman who had been in the back of the El Camino. She stocked the vegetable bins with the most beautiful smooth, shiny, purple eggplants and huge, bright green bell peppers.

At the Jewelry Counter

I was a middle-aged male alien, and my buddy and I came to earth in our space ship. We were wearing uniforms similar to mail men, or Maytag repairmen. The first thing we noticed when we got to earth was that we didn't have any jewelry, so we went shopping. We stood at the jewelry counter, looking down into the display case, hands on each other's shoulders. I pointed out a big gold brooch that I liked, and it appeared on my uniform near the collar, which I then noticed had reformed itself into a 1980s-ripped-off-the-shoulder style.

Angry Alexa

Alexa had a hiding place underneath her dresser. I took an egg-carton/plastic bowl from her hiding place to use for an art project. I colored a face on one of the egg holders and cut the plastic bowl into zig-zaggy arms and legs. It didn't turn out like I wanted it to--the smile was too crooked--so I put it back in Alexa's hiding place.

Later I was with a group of people, strangers who I wanted to impress. We were in our house, but the floor plan was open. Alexa stood in the sunken living room looking up at me and confronted me about the egg carton/plastic bowl. She was angry, calm and biting anger, very sarcastic and mean. She accused me of stealing from her and being sneaky. I felt so awful--I stood there with my head hanging down. Adrienne told me not to worry about it because Alexa has cycles. Sometimes you are in with her and sometimes you are out.

Falling star

It was night-time, and I was in suburbia, playing by myself in someone's front yard. I was watching the sky, and I saw a star break in half. The bottom half turned into a truck and fell into a yard on the next street over, exploding when it hit the ground. A group of children came out of the house down the street, and I ran toward them, thinking that I could save them from burning to death.

Eating out

I was in a restaurant with Brad and someone else--maybe Evil Geoff. It was an Italian restaurant, but it looked like a coffee house combined with a thrift store. Brad picked up a size 18 orange spaghetti-strapped velour shirt and asked if his 8 year-old niece might like it as a skirt. When the saleswoman told him it was a shirt, he looked embarrassed. We sat at a small round table in the back and ordered food, but I couldn't speak very well, so I was left out.

Later we were at a different restaurant, sitting at another round table. Brad told me that he had just talked to two guys from some popular boy band. He said that first he talked with the lead singer, who he described as a blond guy with fat, pink cheeks. Brad was making fun of him, and I felt bad because I knew he was talking about Leif. Brad told me that Leif had tried to sing a song, and then had gestured to his skinny, dark-haired fellow band member, who performed some sort of MTV dance move for Brad. I could see all this as though I had been there, and though I felt bad that Brad was making fun of Leif, I still laughed at the other guy.

I went to Mexico

I was driving to Mexico with my family. We had just crossed the border, and I needed to turn back. Mom didn't want to, so I decided to hitchhike. I got out of the truck and followed directions to the Out Bridge, a huge concrete structure that looked like a dam. Then I was in the truck again with Mom, Dad, and Diane--all of us wedged in the front seat, driving north.

At a gas station I took a shower, and someone kept trying to get in with me.

Later I was swimming in the ocean. I may have swum into it from the gas station parking lot. I backstroked toward shore, the waves carrying me smoothly into long, narrow rocks. I had to watch over my shoulder to keep from hitting them.

I was supposed to babysit some children, but they got lost, possibly in the ocean.

Saxophone

I went to visit Damian in Arizona. We sat in a band room and he played french horn, while I held my sax. When I started to play, my fingers flew and I was happy since it had been so long, but the reed was thick and splintery and I blatted and whined out a horrible noise. I played low E-flat a lot, and I liked the way my fingers felt on the keys, especially my right pinky. I told him about the Oklahoma Music Educator's Association and said that they didn't sponsor the all-state band. It was a group called TECH, but I didn't know what it stood for.

I got on a train or a plane and flew north along a highway. I was also riding a horse at times. I told Brad that I was going to be first or second chair in the all-state competition. He was surprised, and I said, "You didn't know I was good?" I didn't want to jinx it, but I figured I was just stating the facts.

Rebecca came to visit me in a house at which my horse had stopped. I was inside taking off my clothes in a bedroom. I heard the front door open and then a baby named Olivia asked where I was. I put my jeans back on and went into the front room. Olivia was Teresa's baby, an infant who looked like a toddler, and Rebecca was bringing her around to visit.

Katy and I went to an outdoor party, and I was going to see either Firefly or Brad, but I didn't know which one would be there. Once we were inside the gates, Katy smiled at me, took my hand and started running. There was Firefly, sitting on the hood of a car with his legs stretched out in front of him. He had short silky blond hair, none on top. I hugged him and told him it looked great, but I didn't really think so. I told him about my saxophone.

And again

I was in bed with Brad and a woman who was his both his sister but not his sister. He was laying in the middle, and when I reached out to touch him, he sneered at me and rolled away. He held the other woman instead and I laid there hurting, feeling so unworthy and pathetic. I asked him if he loved me and he said he loved her, and that I would have to work harder and try not to embarrass him. He was still deciding whether I would be his girlfriend. I accepted this, and felt terrible.

Later I was at a party with everyone from work. I was eating pot brownies, cramming them in. Rima wanted to go to a movie and had dressed up for it. Everyone was sharing a bathroom, trying to do their hair and looking in the mirror as they adjusted their clothes. I stood in the doorway and watched.

Last night

I had a dream that I was in Brad's truck. It was really roomy, and there was a robot with me. I could climb through the hatch back into the camper while the truck drove itself. I was in Idaho, and my plan was to abandon the truck and hike cross-country to Canada. It was daylight when I stopped and got out, but I walked into a night-time desert landscape of white sand and ugly little bushes. I laid down and was very scared. I felt so alone, and the idea to hike to Canada suddenly seemed absurb. I had been so confident and happy with the plan up until that moment. It was very sad and disappointing.

Then I was in a cave with a group of hippies and three FBI agents. The hippies wanted to show the agents that doing drugs is OK, and I decided to join in. We sat in a circle with our backs against the rocks, and passed around some drug that we smoked, then chewed. Someone offered me LSD, and I cheerfully explained that I didn't want it because I might require a baby-sitter, and I didn't trust any of them enough to help me. I was worried that I would feel isolated instead of connected. Then the agents opened a cabinet in the cave wall and took out some ID badges, which they handed out to the hippies. I understood this to mean that the hippies were agents, too. I was disappointed and sad that nothing was actually as I thought it had been.